he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
