If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
