i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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