One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
