Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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