Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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