I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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