So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
