i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
