haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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