I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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