I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
