She is in my trunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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