I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
