She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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