Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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