Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
