Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just cut my nipple shaving
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
