I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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