Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
