do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
