Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
