sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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