I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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