office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
