Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
