There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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