Tell her she can't have a vagina
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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