jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
