I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize