Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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