i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize