i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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