My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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