I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
