You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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