my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
