I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
