When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
