I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize