I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
