oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
