All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
