I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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