Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
