She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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