Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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