Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
