He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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