Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
