I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
