All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
