is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
