One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
