We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
