I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize