Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
