So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
