we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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