If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
