even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Terrible idea I love it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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