just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
