Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
