Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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