I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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