I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
