i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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